Bleeding out
by musicormisery22
Summary: 2 years ago Sebastian broke off their engagement to defend France in war. Mary knew that she had to move on eventually so she reunited with Francis, the man she was meant to marry from the start. But not one day has passed that she hadn't feared for his life, not one day she hadn't wished that he had stayed.
1. Coming home

**Chapter One**

_I'm bleeding out  
So if the last thing that I do  
Is bring you down  
I'll bleed out for you _

The word all around the castle was that he was back.

There were maids rushing around the stone halls to prepare the feast.

Everyone's faces were glowing with anticipation.

Mary though couldn't even bear to leave her Chambers.

Too high were the chances of running into him. She needed more time to prepare herself.

More time to practice false smiles and faked disinterest.

Why was she making such a big deal out of this anyway?

The man was nothing more to her than a stranger, a far relative from her husbands side returning home after 2 years of not seeing each other, 2 years without even the slightest attempt to contact her.

Mary wasn't even sure why she has had such high expectations back then but to be honest one short letter would've been enough. It would've meant the world to her back then.

Now though she couldn't bring herself to care about it.

If someone didn't think that he would owe her as much as a simple sign of life, he wasn't even worth her worries.

Not that her every thought had been crowded with concern for him.

In reality she had been scared to death every single day that he had been out there fighting for his country, their country.

Every time a messenger would enter the room her blood had turned to ice and her breathing went flat, preparing for the worst.

Each day there had been this pain tugging on her every nerve like poison and right now this sinking feeling seemed to increase.

She couldn't go out there and greet him like all those months hadn't eaten her up from the inside, cause they had.

Mary got to save her country after all, by tying the knot with Francis, the love of her life, as it had been planned from the very beginning.

The wedding had been beautiful, divine even. Everything had been decorated with white roses - the sign of pure love and innocence.

Francis was a wonderful husband too. He had taken care of her and always respected her wishes.

Still, the night of their wedding, after their supposely "first time", Mary had left him so she could sleep in her own bed.

He hadn't noticed because she had returned in the morning, keeping up the fairytale like facade like she always did.

After all Francis did not deserve to suffer or experience unhappiness because of her depressions.

Depressions. That's what nostradamus had called them.

The moments Mary sat alone in her chambers, closing her eyes and imagining a different life.

A life without war, a life with the other brother.

* * *

His eyes on her.

An intense stare that spoke for itself.

It told of so many sleepless night, so much regret that it made the air around her feel like heavy fog was trying to take all the oxygen away from her.

She couldn't be in the same room with this man for any longer or she'd lose her mind.

His grey irises focused on her and there was no looking away.

His jaw was tense and his attention seemed to be reserved for only her.

Mary was speechless, shocked at how he could act so content and give her glances like that in between.

He talked about how being on the front had helped him develop a whole different sight on things, he knew how much a life was worth and how with one impulsive decision they could lose hundreds of honorable men.

Still, if you had known Sebastian before the impressive character of his moral had only expanded.

It was the same noble and kind man talking here.

The same man who had promised her to be her family one day.

He must've gone through a whole lot, Mary mused.

Of course Sebastian wouldn't let it show but she could always tell when something was wrong with him and from the way he avoided talking about injuries or taking lives she knew.

He was an important figure in the game that was war, a valuable solider, a leader.

But beneath all of that he was a man who ached for justice and love and he sure as hell didn't find that by killing in the name of the french crown.

What pained her the most was that the shimmer in his eyes was gone.

The passion he had always felt for his family, the passion he had always felt towards her.

It was gone.

The humorous and lively Sebastian had vanished from that body.

But she knew that the man she had loved was still inside there somewhere it just wasn't her business to search for it anymore.

As she felt a light squeeze of her hand she noticed that she seemed to be the center of attention.

'_Keep it together, Mary. You are not allowed to make any mistakes especially not in front of Catherine._' she thought and finally found the strength to shift her focus from the broken man in front of her to her caring husband.

"What was it you were saying, love?" She tried to sound as normal as usually what seemed impossible with Sebastian's glance still lingering on her.

"My mother was asking about our future plans to expand the family." The blonde said with a smirk on his features.

Mary didn't dare look at Bash in that Moment as she knew she had to respond.

"Of course we are planning on creating a heir" she answered simply, her eyes fixed on the big diamond on her ring-finger.

"I hoped you were already working on it" Catherine demanded.

"I'm actually surprised not to see a small version of Mary running around the castle already." Bash said, his humorous way finally shining through again.

However while Francis grinned and went on chatting about that very topic Mary's features darkened.

_How dare you._

All these years she had imagined that exact thing.

A miniature copy of herself just a lot prettier and wilder playing in the huge garden area of the castle with a crown of tiny flowers on her hair.

Her father laughing at the stubbornness that reminded him so much of his wife.

So very familiar gray eyes looking at him in awe, feeling protected and safe by his side.

That was how it was supposed to be - Sebastian being the father of her children, her husband.

But back then he had decided against it.

* * *

**N/A**: I'm sorry if there are any mistakes I kinda wrote this last night when I felt overly motivated to write an angst mabastian flic :D And I haven't really done any research until now so just pretend that the war is a made up one but that century was pretty much full of wars in europe so it should fit :) Bash will talk about it later on and I promise there'll be a lot of Mabastian/Mash angst and smut


	2. Playing with fire

**Chapter 2**

That night she couldn't sleep.

She quietly sneaked out of her and Francises bedroom and made her way down the dark castle corridor.

The floor was so cold it almost hurt her bare feet but Mary couldn't care less.

She had to busy herself somehow. Walking along the massive stone walls at night always seemed to calm her down.

Well more like watching over the huge sea that stretched across the area surrounding the castle.

It reminded her of so much of her nights in Scotland when she was a child.

The endless green fields and deep blue rivers.

She felt so lonely and lost when she had to please herself with the limited view she got from inside the castle.

"This dress really isn't appropriate to wear outside your chambers, my queen."

As she heard the husky voice right behind her she didn't even have to turn around to recognize the man approaching her.

His hand now rose to linger on her upper arm in a delicate way.

"Are you not supposed to stay at the cottage tonight?" She asked quietly, frozen by his touch.

Mary would never admit it but she had missed the feeling of his raw hands on her skin.

Those hands who had fought for the country that was now home to the both of them.

Hands with scars on them.

Beautiful ones though.

They belonged to him, reflected all the battles he had been in but not only military ones.

The personal ones as well.

Catherine's personal vendetta against him, growing up as a bastard, losing his father in war.

One might think that all of this had destroyed him but to her he was still the most noble and kind man she had ever known.

At least two years ago he had been.

"Are_ you_ not supposed to be with your husband right now?" He said, his breath hot against her neck making her weak in her knees.

He was now standing right behind her, one hand still on her arm while the other one made its way to rest upon her middle.

As Bash realized that Mary wasn't going to answer, he pulled her back and against him slow and gentle.

She didn't protest.

Hell, she couldn't even have protested if she would've wanted to. And she didn't anyway.

"Though I am glad you are not." He whispered into her ear after tugging back a strain of brown hair.

This was a totally new Bash she was encountering right now.

He was finally giving in to his desire for her and she couldn't say that she wasn't turned on by it.

On the other hand there was this anger towards him that had grown with every day he had been gone.

All that it had needed for him to leave her with no guarantee of return was one small threat by Catherine.

One stupid menace from their common enemy, better known as her mother-in-law, and he had simply given up on them.

"Are you still holding a grudge?" he asked, his body still so very close to hers.

_Holding a grudge?_ She was bloody mad at him.

"You have made your decision. Why would I blame you for that?" It wasn't a question really, it was Mary trying to maintain her countenance.

After everything she would not let him see her all weak and vulnerable.

It would probably even satisfy him that she had been mourning over him those past few years.

"You know my reasons." Sebastian answered quietly, what definitely wasn't compatible to his reckless behavior.

He didn't seem like he was aware of the fact that he still owed her _any _kind of explanation.

In the contrary – he acted like nothing had ever changed between them.

But Mary sure as hell was going to prove him wrong on this thought.

"To say that these were poor ones would certainly be an understatement." the brunette countered, trying her hardest to sound cold. What wasn't particularly easy with his hands still resting on very sensible spots.

She should've pushed him away with all force that was available to her but then again how do you deny yourself to the person you love most?

For that a kind of strength would be needed that not even the Queen of Scots possessed.

"I will never apologize for not putting your life at risk, Mary." he said in a hard voice that told her not to object.

She had never heard him talk like this before and it almost frightened her how the kind and loving man that had left her 2 years ago could have changed that much.

Even though her mind was screaming for her to yell at him, correct him or just walk away Mary did the exact opposite.

She slowly turned around to face Sebastian, her hands on his strong arms while his stayed wrapped around her.

"You look utterly beautiful tonight." The dark-haired man commented in a voice that was filled with both, adoration and pain.

What had made him put up his walls towards her? She was supposed to act dismissive and now he was the one not letting her in anymore.

Whatever it was she was not going to make it worse.

Simply by looking into his gray eyes, that reflected the blue midnight sky so accurately she could feel that this was what he needed right now.

"I'm wearing a pale night gown and I haven't had sleep in _a while_. I look horrible!" she stated with a laugh, not a bitter one now, it was more out of self irony.

She could see Bash's eyes brighten up at her laughter, a sign that her attempt to make him relax might have worked.

"Still too beautiful to be out here on your own." he said in a protective yet seductive way, stepping closer again.

She definitely liked flirtatious Sebastian a whole lot better than battle scared, distant Sebastian.

"Is that supposed to be _a warning_?" Mary responded just as teasingly.

Her eyes were fixed on his while she bit her lip in anticipation of a response.

There would still be time to be mad at him tomorrow, so why waste such an intense moment on that?

"It _should_ be." Bash suggested. His head now dangerously close to hers.

She could swear that she heard his heart beating. Fast. Like her own.

Why the hell was she falling for this again?

All that doubt magically vanished as his lips touched hers, gently at first.

This was nothing like their first kiss, when she had slammed her lips onto his to get rid of her anger towards Francis.

Okay,_ maybe _the only real reason had something to do with his undeniably handsome features and words that were like balm for her soul.

Nobody needed to know that though.

As she opened her mouth a light bit in response the gentleness in Sebastian's kiss was replaced by pure desire, need even.

She now kissed him back with the same passion he put in and let him touch her delicate curves.

On the one hand it kinda scared her because his lust seemed to take control of him but on the other hand had she ached for his touch and right now it was the only thing in the world that made any sense to her.

* * *

**A/N: **I'm sorry this is so short but I really wanted to update before tonights/tomorrows new episode airs but since I'm sick I couldn't really write a lot :/

**A/N:** Reviews

A special thank you to all of you who reviewed: _**Guest, flor, Kou Shun'u, mikanxnatsume, Joan89,Marie Meyers**_

_**flor: **_Thank you! Yeah I fear that as well :'( but maybe for once the CW does not screw up and make Bash badass and let him win Mary back even though she's married to his brother. Anyway if they're following history Francis would die one or two years into that marriage.. I just hope they don't destroy Bash's character.

_**Marie Meyers: **_I'm really sorry for the grammar mistakes! I usually write when I'm inspired so that can be at nights too and english is neither my native language nor do I have a beta :/


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